Renting an apartment is usually an exciting thing, and when you do it together with your partner, it gets more interesting.
If you have been renting an apartment on your own for years, making decisions and adjustments to accommodate another person into your living space comes with its issues. Remember that moving in together is one of the most significant milestones in a relationship. It is a good sign of commitment and investment in the relationship.
Splitting the cost of living 50/50, the thrill of waking up with someone, and having someone to confide in can be quite satisfying. However, the situation can turn into a living nightmare, especially if you had high expectations of cohabiting bliss similar to what is often portrayed in romantic movies.
After a few months, you no longer recognize the man or woman you knew before two shacked up together. Conversations have turned into fights about money, chores, and how free time is spent. What happened to that happy fantasy?
Before you move in, it is important to expect your relationship to change. As you are now sharing more than just a living space and expenses. You are sharing your lives. There aren’t guarantees in life, but there are a few things you can do to avoid transforming your domestic bliss into a living nightmare where you each contemplate to kill one another.
Here are some useful tips that will make moving in together the best thing for your relationship.
Do It For The Right Reasons
Most couples don’t weigh the pros and cons before moving in; for them, it is something that just happens.
The best thing for couples to do is to have a conversation about moving in and what their expectations are. Talking will ensure that you are on the same page about your reasons. The main reason should, of course, be about love and the need to take the relationship to the next step.
Make sure none of you is moving in just because of the financial benefits that come with it. Never move in as a way to put off the engagement or to have someone help you with chores. Let your reasons be the right ones for a couple to move in together. You also should be open to each other about these reasons. You don’t want to realize your relationship was a mistake a few months down the line. It is even better not to move in together after having a conversation than moving in blindly and separating later amidst an ugly situation. When you are on the same page, you will have less conflict.
Talk About Money
Before you begin packing, have a long talk with your partner and air out any financial issues in advance. Money is usually the main cause of fights in many relationships, and it gets worse when the couple is living together. Poor planning on financial issues can cause you problems for decades.
Discuss all the details such as whose name will be on the lease, the bills and how you are going to split them, discuss home purchases and whether you are going to have a joint checking out or not and whether you will have insurance and how you are going to pay for it. Work out these financial details in advance, and you will have fewer headaches.
Have Ground Rules In Place
When you begin to live together, you are going to discover that you live differently. One of you might be a neat freak and loves a tidy and organized space while the other will never mind an untidy place, makes a mess and is never in a hurry to clean up. You will need to find a way to make your different lifestyles mesh smoothly.
Spend less time fighting because of unmade beds, un-flushed toilets, dirty dishes, clothes lying around, and so on. Have ground rules in place and share the responsibility of house chores.
You can make a list of who would do what if you have to. Sharing the duties means that you will ensure that none of you is left feeling like they are putting too much effort running the house. Lay out the responsibilities early on, and this will mean that you will both be responsible for your home without anyone feeling like their deck has been unfairly unstacked. Of course, if you both have busy lives, you can always discuss bringing in help if you can afford it.
You both need to make your new place feel like home to both of you. You will both need to compromise and sacrifice because you might have different home decorating tastes. Make sure your interior décor is a blend of two personalities and not a single dominant theme with just a little hint that someone else lives in the house too. Decide on every piece of furniture together to avoid any conflicts.
Each With Their Own Space
According to relationship expert Cheryl Hearts, “you could have physical spaces in the house that you can designate as your private retreats. You can have a man-cave, workshop, craft room, library, or office that you can decorate in whatever way you wish. This is assuming the house you have rented is big.”
Personal spaces are a great way to ensure peace and a good place for each of you to retreat whenever you feel like spending time alone. It will not be all bliss all the time, which is why you need these personal spaces. You could also agree to give each other that personal space, have your own lives outside the house. Your social life outside your relationship should be healthy and going on. Spend time with your friends but don’t overdo it. Maybe a girl’s night out or a boy’s night out occasionally. Give each other the freedom to avoid conflicts.
Remember that the survival of your relationship after moving in will require effort from both of you. You will both have to work to adjust to your new life together. Keep your relationship fresh and exciting, and don’t let the challenges split you apart. Living together can lead to some of the best times in your lives, along with lovely memories. Both of you should work on your relationship, and the above tips should steer you in the right direction.